A Founder’s Sobriety Story
Hey y’all! I’m Erin Hall, the owner and founder of Dry Lush Booze-Free Beverages. But not long before that, I was a “functioning” alcoholic who was trapped in a cycle of abuse. Abuse of alcohol. Abuse on my body. Abuse of my mental state. It wasn’t abnormal for me to bounce back and forth from “oh, ok, I’ve got this” to “oh, boy, I have a problem.”
Read more below…
Interested in being our next Sober Story?
Email Erin at hello@drylushatl.com! Let’s share your story of strength and resiliance!
It was tricky, right? I wasn’t physically dependent on alcohol. I was able to give it up for stretches at a time — from 2-3 days after having a rough night out, up to 10 months when I was pregnant with and breast feeding my kids. That kind of control is a farce. I wasn’t actually in control. I was able to press pause every now and again. But alcohol was always waiting for me to press play again. And when I did, the result was rarely pretty. At first, fun Erin entertained everyone, dancing and making them laugh. But eventually, emotional Erin came out…and, worse, angry Erin. Angry Erin was the one you really had to watch out for. She was mean, she had a short fuse, she was ready to fight, and she was ready to dunk all over herself. And in the light of the morning, accompanied by raging headaches blamed on not getting enough sleep, I was met with days-long shame spirals and depression. Plenty of bad things happened while I was under the influence, but I’d perfected the art of denial. And that worked for me…until it didn’t.
When COVID hit, boundaries started to blur. Happy Hour started earlier each day, and the number of empty cans thrown away each day grew. It felt ok, though, because a lot of people were dealing with the novel circumstances brought by the pandemic similarly. As social restrictions started to lift, it felt good to be able to go out and enjoy face-to-face moments with friends again. While most people likely didn’t notice (except for my spouse), I could tell my tolerance for the effects of alcohol had increased, and I needed more to feel the way I wanted to feel. I was chasing the high—and I’d find it nearly 100% of the time; consequences be damned. Bad decisions always followed.
One night, after going out for a friend’s birthday, I pulled one of my typical moves of telling the group I was heading home…but I knew I wasn’t. I went to another bar. And when that one closed, I went to another. It was at that second solo stop that I encountered a (literally) sobering experience. Tl;dr, I mouthed off to two men that I didn’t know, who could have easily snapped me in half if they wanted to. My big, drunk mouth was getting me in trouble. I felt rage radiating off both of them. So much so that I closed my tab and asked one of the servers to walk me to my car.
I should pause the story here to say that I’ve learned that everyone’s rock bottom is different. Mine was the sheer threat of losing it all. And I felt like I was one bad night away from everything imploding. In my drinking days, I got lucky so…many…times. It seemed like my runway was getting shorter and shorter, and I was one foot-slip away from falling into the abyss. So, at that bar, when I faced two strange men who were pissed off after I’d insulted them, I was strikingly aware of a pull in my gut that nearly made me sick. For the first time, I was scared that I’d gone too far and I may actually pay for it this time. Something had to change.
I went home that night (well, actually, it was 1 a.m., so that morning), woke up my husband, and asked if I could talk to him. I spent nearly two hours crying, ultimately admitting that I had a problem with alcohol, and I needed help. Exactly what was said will be kept between us, but the important part is that he was there for me and assured I had his support, which was such a gift.
So the next day, there I was, hungover, but newly committed to kicking alcohol out of my life. I was mentally overwhelmed. I turned to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) since it seemed like the most reliable source of immediate support, as well as a time-tested solution to get my mind where it needed to be. I know a lot of people have different opinions about the virtues of AA (especially for women), but it was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. I walked into a room of men and found the one, shining female face. She was around my age, and her mere presence made me feel at ease. By the end of the meeting, I’d accepted my white chip, indicating my intention to explore a life free of alcohol. The woman, Taylor, came up to me after and told me I was making the best decision. We exchanged numbers, and she plugged me into other meetings that catered to an all-female audience. I was more at ease in those settings. Taylor would go on to become my sponsor during my short time in the program, which was such a Godsend. She and I connected over being mothers who wanted more; wanted better. And although I didn’t spend much more time in AA, I always appreciated her wisdom, realness, and support. That program provided the jump start I needed to get on the road to recovery.
A few weeks later, I found out some wild news. I was pregnant with our third kiddo. That was, uh, not part of the plan. True, I’d always wanted three kids, but after having two, my husband and I felt like that was the magic number. My first instinct was straight fear. This would change our lives in a way we were not prepared for. But that feeling was followed in rapid succession by elation. This was a true, as they call it in the program, GODSHOT! Why would I be blessed and entrusted with this new life if I weren’t making the right decision about my relationship with alcohol? It was like my commitment to a healthier life, both physical and mental, was being majorly validated.
The first year was tough. But I was pregnant which offered me an excuse to stay off the radar. I lost touch with a lot of people. I leaned on being tired and pregnant, but really, I was afraid that people would judge me and stop liking me. After all, drunk Erin was the one everyone loved. Retreating from people might seem like addict behavior, but in this instance, being pregnant provided me the cover I needed to learn how to live my life without drinking alcohol.
Our third baby was born in July 2021, and it instantly felt like our family was complete. And I felt so much more confident in my value and skills as a wife, mother, friend, sibling, coworker and human. I found a new support community in quit lit and Sober Instagram. I still kept in touch with Taylor from time to time, which was ultra grounding. I got back into the gym, which also allowed me to reconnect with friends I’d lost touch with. SURPRISE! They were super excited to see me again AND they were so proud of my sobriety. Turns out, drunk Erin isn’t who they loved the most. They just loved Erin!
But guess who was still around? Angry Erin. Turns out, alcohol just exacerbated her existence. But she lived on her own just fine even without alcohol. As I approached one-and-half years sober, I decided it was time to start therapy as part of my sobriety tool kit. It’s been an essential part of discovering myself, facing fears, dealing with complex emotions and trying to stop certain cycles of behavior. At two years sober, I dove into non-alcholic beer offerings. Then I tried some NA wine. Then spirits. These were important tools for me to have at my disposal, as they made social hangs a bit more inclusive. I didn’t feel like an outcast. I didn’t feel like there was unwanted attention on me because I didn’t have an adult beverage in my hand. I started to explore the offerings, and it seemed like every month, a new, intriguing brand was entering the space, offering new non-alcholic beers, wines, cocktails, spirits and functional alcohol alternatives. It was fascinating, and provided me with a new hobby!
Fast forward, I’m now over four years alcohol-free, and I’m fully engaged in the process of making myself a tiny bit better every day. As I’ve progressed on this journey, I discovered that sobriety isn’t just about abstaining from alcohol; it’s about embracing a lifestyle that prioritizes health, joy, and meaningful connections. One principle from AA that I always liked was engaging in acts of service as a means to stay clean. In helping others, you find meaning that’s self-perpetuating. The more you do for others, the more you get back. I started to think about how I could be of more service doing something I enjoyed. I noodled over starting some sort of non-alcoholic beverage brand. And I noodled for a long, long time. Eventually, with the encouragement of my therapist, I decided to go for it. Dry Lush was born in June of 2024.
In launching Dry Lush, I found a way to merge my journey with my passion for creating inclusive social spaces. I wanted to provide delicious, high-quality non-alcoholic beverages that would allow others to enjoy special occasions without the pressure of drinking alcohol. Through Dry Lush, I remain committed to create a community that celebrates the choice of sobriety and provides everyone with delightful alternatives to traditional drinks.
My story is an ongoing journey filled with growth, learning, and new experiences. It’s a reminder that change can lead to incredible transformations and that there is beauty in embracing life without alcohol. If you’re considering a similar path, know that you are not alone, and there is a supportive community waiting to welcome you…starting with me!
Here’s to the journey of an alcohol-free, lush life—may it bring you peace, joy, and a renewed sense of purpose! Cheers!
Erin Hall
Dry Lush
Owner & Founder
Interested in being our next Sober Story? Email Erin at hello@drylushatl.com! Let’s share your story of strength and resilience!
